There's always that one confidant at work you can trust. For many, that person is the opposite sex. In our society, we call that an office wife or husband - a plutonic (hopefully) better half at the office. However, there's a lot of things a man can't tell a woman. I'm not ashamed that my office wife is a man, but I wonder how common it actually is.
Technically, I guess he isn't my office wife or husband since I'm not married yet, so this man is actually my office fiance or office mistress - I could take this even further and mention that him having a penis and balls really means he's my office mister. And I know what you're thinking, why is my office wife a man?
First of all, yes, it's because I have no game with women anymore. I'd like to think I had skills before getting engaged, but even if you can't convince a female coworker to be yours truly, there are still advantages to having a man as your office wife:
No sexual tension and no risk of cheating. I have no intentions of sleeping with my office mister because I'm not gay, and he wouldn't go for me if I were because he's way out of my league.
You can go to the bathroom together. You can sit stall-to-stall and feel comfortable. There's no need to hold that embarrassing fart back because your office husband is right there to laugh with you and encourage more smelly nonsense.
You don't have to deal with PMS. Let's face it, PMS makes any heterosexual relationship pure hell for two days out of every month. With an office wife, you not only have to deal with a PMS'd woman at home, but at work, too. With an office husband, You'll never have to hear the words, "I can't believe I forgot a fucking tampon. Do you have a cork and tissue I could borrow?," or "You know I don't like dark chocolate, I LIKE MILK CHOCOLATE!!!"
You can actually engage in a conversation. Maybe this is just a consequence of my upbringing with Jewish women, but as far as I know, women dominate the conversation. They love talking about themselves, about other women, about gossip and things that don't interest men, such as their opinions.
In order for a man to remember what a woman says, he needs to have some sort of participation in the discussion. Women need to speak less and get to the point more. As soon as the woman speaks ten seconds too long, a man has already lost interest and doesn't know what's going on. Then he contemplates asking, "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?," but with that question the man runs the risk of offending the woman, or worse, having her repeat herself and forcing the man to listen again.
Your actual significant other won't get jealous. Make love, not war. Don't let your girl worry all day about you cheating on her. If you engage in deep conversation with another woman, it's considered adultery in today's standards. 'Deep conversation' is a relative term. Any conversation that lasts more than five minutes in which the man provides at least one answer of more than one word is considered an admirable display of dialogue. Conversely, any conversation in which the woman dominates less than 80 percent of the conversation is a miracle.
In order for a man to remember what a woman says, he needs to have some sort of participation in the discussion. Women need to speak less and get to the point more. As soon as the woman speaks ten seconds too long, a man has already lost interest and doesn't know what's going on. Then he contemplates asking, "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?," but with that question the man runs the risk of offending the woman, or worse, having her repeat herself and forcing the man to listen again.
Your actual significant other won't get jealous. Make love, not war. Don't let your girl worry all day about you cheating on her. If you engage in deep conversation with another woman, it's considered adultery in today's standards. 'Deep conversation' is a relative term. Any conversation that lasts more than five minutes in which the man provides at least one answer of more than one word is considered an admirable display of dialogue. Conversely, any conversation in which the woman dominates less than 80 percent of the conversation is a miracle.
