Rabbi Gefiltashtein's Bio

Rabbi Gefiltashtein is a man who has dedicated 66 of his 77 years on earth to the rabbi-hood.  When on one sabbath, the holy Jewish day of the week, he clapped his hands in applause of the kosher roast his wife had made, accidentally activating the clapper-lamp his wife had recently bought.  Due to the claps, the lamp turned on, a CLEAR violation of the torah's guidelines for behavior on the sabbath, an offense punishable by stoning to death, but it merely prompted Rabbi Gefiltashtein to be exiled from rabbi-hood and banished from his temple forever.  Sure his temple had been plagued by scandal, mass organ smuggling rings, $50 billion ponzi schemes, tax evasion, and many others, but none of those acts violated, in any way, the ethics stated in the Old Testament.  His scandal DID.
  
Rabbi Gefiltashtein was born Elihu Yitzak Gefiltashtein, in 1933 in Mobile, Alabama, the son of Binyom Elihu Gefiltashtein, a wealthy stock-brocker, and Desiree Ladue, a highly-acclaimed professional dancer at world-renowned establishments like the 'Boom Boom Hit That Room,' 'Shawty Get Them Stacks Spot,' and 'Skin For Dough Fo' Show Space.' 
  
Growing up in Alabama, the future-Rabbi was a world-acclaimed purveyor of fine Pearls, and Aloe Vera Gel.  He would swim the Gulf Of Mexico each morning, scouring the ocean floor for mother pearl, and trading his finds all over the world.  After he was arrested for looting more than 6 dozen pearl traps, and being charged for theft and illegal trafficking of valuable materials, Elihu decided it was time for a change.  
  
He then played in the NBA for 3 years before retiring due to a long battle with crabs.  
  
Rabbi Gefiltashtein believes strongly in the paper products market, including cardboard.  He is one of the top-booked speech-makers on using crisco to protect one's skin from the sun.  He is also a top-mind in the field of styling the pubic region. 
  
When not blogging, Rabbi Gefiltashtein can be found at Glory Holes around Boston.  He also frequents gay nightclubs to increase his disgust at their behavior.  His favorite appetizer is pickled water, his favorite entree is blended steak smoothie on a bed of arugula greens, and his favorite drink is the blended steak smoothie.


Rabbi Gefiltashtein was blackmailed by Boston Jew in the summer of 2001 when he was attending a Glory Hole rendezvous that Boston Jew also attended.  Boston Jew recognized him from temple, and thought it best to blackmail the rabbi.  But alas, Boston Jew could not think of something he wanted from the rabbi, and they eventually became very close friends.  


Rabbi Gefiltashtein attended Transylvania Tech University College, not to be confused with Transylvania Tech University.  It is located in Omaha, Nebraska, and is regarded as the top high school for topics related to crisco, and other such products.  He graduated sans-laude, and is currently pursuing a career as a wind-chime artisan.